Whiskey Lullaby
by everything's okay
Summary: He left, went undercover for a few months. Nothing could've prepared him for the heartbreak he'd experience when he got back. She couldn't take it. She needed him back. SamxAndy


**Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley**

_She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette  
>She broke his heart, he spent his whole life trying to forget<em>

They made a promise. She said she'd wait for him to get back from his undercover work. He couldn't stay there forever, right? That promise is the one thing that kept him going for those six months that seemed to drag on for a lifetime. He sometimes wondered if she'd forget about him. It had been a really long time since they'd spoken last and he's not sure when he's going to come back. Working an undercover case like this was dangerous, not only physically but mentally as well. You had to be torn apart from your family and friends, the people you care about and love. You had to go so deep undercover, get so into your character, that sometimes you forget who you are as a person. You become the role you're trying to portray. In some twisted, messed up way it's the only thing that can keep you going. Forget your past, forget who you once were and you better sure as hell forget the future you wanted. It ain't coming back anytime soon. But he missed her every day. He couldn't forget his past because she was all he wanted to think about. She was his past, his present and his future whether she liked it or not.

Finally, the day came. His work was done. They'd finally had enough dirt to arrest the guy. He didn't even care that he had just arrested the most wanted drug dealer in the country or stopped a fifty million dollar trafficking line, all he could think about was the promise. The sole purpose that he even arrested the guy so he could finally go back to his old life. It was no surprise that he still had his job as an officer at 15 division, or that Best had left for a position higher up but the biggest kicker of them all; the one that cause his breathing to stop and made him want to vomit was when he saw that ring on her finger. He'd seen it there before but had gotten used to that finger being free of any jewelry. But now it wasn't just one ring on her pretty little finger, there were two. You know what that means? It's done, the knots been tied and knowing her she won't dare go back now. She turned around just in time to see his figure retreating backwards. He couldn't believe. _The bad stuff always happens to me, _he thought. He walked to the lockers with his head down and his pace fast, just wanting to get out of the room that was occupied by the love of his life who obviously found a new love. He hoped it wasn't Luke again.

The feeling in his chest wasn't pleasant and he wanted it gone. How could she do this to him? She knew, he might not have told her exactly, but she damn well knew that he loved her. When he walked out of the locker room and headed towards parade the reason for the pain he felt rippling through his whole body stood in front of him, blocking the way.

"Sam!" she exclaimed with a bright smile on her face.

"McNally,"

"I didn't know you were coming back so soon! I heard about the arrest and the fifty million dollars. So crazy," she was just too perky for his likings right now.

"Yep," he popped the p. "One hell of a bust."

Did she not realize she was still wearing her ring? Did she think he wouldn't notice the band around the finger that _he _wanted to put there, not some other man?

She looked down at her watch and then back at him.

"We're going to be late for parade. Let's go," she turned on her heel and he stood there watching her walk away.

Soon after he followed in her path towards the open door and walked inside.

_We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time  
>But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind<br>_  
>He spent many lonely nights at the Black Penny where he was trying to drink away his sorrows. It never happened. The memories that he once cherished were now haunting and disturbing. The happy smiles and the laughter turned into distorted images of pain and suffering, much like his current state. She hadn't even told him about her marriage or who it was with. She probably hadn't noticed how there was always red rims under his eyes or the way his shoulders that were once strong and gave an impression of confidence were now sunken and defeated. <em>But why should she care? <em>He thought to himself all the time. She was happily married and in love. No doubt she was on cloud nine.

He'd go home drunk almost every night, cursing her name as he got into the cab or when he collapsed onto his bed that she once laid on that fatefully night of the blackout. Work was weird and he was now partnered with Oliver because he knew that putting Sam with Andy wouldn't be good for him. When they were riding together Oliver always tried to make conversation. He'd tell a joke, talk about the stupid things his kids did but nothing made Sam smile. The Swarek charm that once intoxicated women was now washed away along with Andy who'd never come back to him. Actually, she was never _with _him in the first place. He had never wanted someone so much in his entire life. This one girl – woman, he should say – was the definition of beauty in all its forms. His heart was broken, he was sure of it. She had forgotten all about their promise and went off with another man. No-one would tell him who she was wed to, afraid that he'd fall into a hopeless pit of despair with no way of clawing himself out.

She called him one night. He wasn't sure of the day or the time; the only clue was the sun setting in the western sky. He didn't want to pick up the phone but he loved the sound of her voice even if it brought sad memories to the front of his brain.

"Hello?" He took a sip from the glass of whiskey and winced as it burned his throat. The pain of that was a mere paper cut in comparison to the stab wounds on his heart.

"Sam! I didn't think you would be home,"

"I got nothing better to do," he spoke slowly with no emotion in his tired voice. "What's up, McNally?"

"I wish you'd call me Andy more often," she thought out loud with a sigh but she didn't try to cover it up.

He hummed in response, not being able to form words at the moment. It always happened when he was talking to her.

"Come to the Penny later on tonight. Traci, Oliver and some other people from the station are planning on having another karaoke night. I know you don't like socializing and stuff, but it's going to be fun!"

She was always so perky, practically bouncing off the walls. He hated it. He hated that she was happy with some other guy. He hated that he was heartbroken and she was happily in love. He started to believe that he hated everything.

"I don't know, I'm pretty –" she cut him off with a laugh.

"Excuses, excuses. C'mon Sam! You've been undercover for six months," – _she actually remembered, _he thought – "and you need to get out!"

"Fine, McNally. I'll be there," he grunted out and she squealed then said her goodbyes.

As he walked into the bar he saw all his buddies from 15 but just like everything else, it didn't seem to lift his spirits and put a smile on his face. Then he saw her and just like his first day back his breathing seemed to stop and – if it was even possible – his heart broken into a million pieces again. She was sitting on a stool at the bar with her tongue down her husband's throat. He was tall with olive skin and brown hair down to his shoulders. _What was she thinking?_This guy was totally not her type but he wasn't one to judge because the man had got Andy McNally, the queen of running away to settle down. He tried to shake of the feeling of utter heartbreak but it just didn't seem possible. Then those hazel eyes that haunted him for so long finally landed on him. She rose to her feet and called out is name but it sounded so distant so he did was she always did when this got a little too tough; he ran.

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
>Finally drank away her memory<br>Life is short but this time it was bigger  
>Than the strength he had to get up off his knees<br>_  
>He couldn't stand it anymore. The memories that were so vivid and <em>so loud<em>were just too much. So he figured out that he needed to end it. He wanted silence and would gladly welcome it if it ever showed up. It didn't. He wrote a couple words on a paper to tell the poor person who found him why he did it. He couldn't find the strength to get out of bed so he did it right there. In his bedroom on the bed she once laid on. He raised the gun to his head and said his final goodbyes to people who'd never hear them.

**Click.**

_We found him with his face down in the pillow  
>with a note that said I'll love her 'til I die<br>_  
><strong>She was my everything, <strong>the note read.  
><strong>I don't know how I was supposed to go on with her married to another man. She'll always have my love even though I won't be there.<strong>

_When we buried him beneath the Willow  
>The angels sang a whiskey lullaby<em>

It was a peaceful ceremony, just like him. Tears were shed and hearts were broken. She didn't want to go to the funeral. She didn't want to watch as they laid the man she loved deep beneath the earth and under his favourite tree, the Willow. It was tearing her apart to know that she was the reason he was six feet under, the reason he stopped breathing, the reason his heart stopped beating. It was all too much. She wanted to run, run far away. It's what she did best. Sam always told her that. Sometimes she couldn't tell if he was joking or actually scared that she might run from him.

_The rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself  
>For years and years<br>She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath_

She didn't want to drink. Her father was addict and she was sure Sam was coming close before he ended his own life. It'd been three years since that terrible, heartbreaking day and she never wanted to live through it again. Her brain seemed to not like that thought and played the memories over and over again in her mind.

It was hard to hide what she was doing. She was on that same downward spiral Sam went on. Drinking at two in the afternoon like some poor, pitied soul. Who did she think she was? She had people's lives to save, crimes to stop and people to love and care for.

_She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger  
>Finally drank away his memory<br>Life is short but this time it was bigger  
>Than the strength she had to get up off her knees<em>

Now she knew how he felt. She only hoped that he hadn't felt this much pain because it was utterly unbearable. She stopped showing up to work, too hung over to get out of beds on some mornings. She couldn't find the strength within to put the bottle down and cleanse herself of her inner sorrows. So she did it.

**Click.**

_We found her with her face down in the pillow  
>Clinging to his picture for dear life<em>

She clutched her favourite picture of herself and him. They were friends and she actually got him to smile. But he wasn't looking at the camera; his eyes were set on her like they usually were. Never again would he look at her like that and never again would she be able to catch him in the act.

_We laid her next to him beneath the Willow  
>While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby<em>

All the coppers in Toronto came out to pay tribute to Andy just like they did with Sam. This time was different. Sure, tears were falling and hearts were breaking but the scary part was that they knew it was coming. Well, at least the people at 15 did. They couldn't spend time apart without it tearing them apart. Those two wonderful people, two amazing police officers and two even greater lovers were dead. At least they were next to each other. Sam laid underground with the note confession his love for her and Andy with the picture she cherished close to heart lifeless heart.

The last they both thought about before they pulled the trigger was those three words that couldn't have meant more to them. They both left this world glad that they spoke those three words to the other before it all came to a tragic end.


End file.
